Eulogy for Steve (Thursday 17/12/09 – 10:00) On behalf of Steve’s family thank you to everyone here in attendance today. A great 18th century writer (Madame De Stael) said ‘We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon someone that we love’ & Steve was easy to love. Amongst all of the emails and well wishes from friends & colleagues they have all written about Steve’s zest for life, his vibrancy, his sense of fun, his ability to make us laugh and his endearing charm. I was privileged to know Steve very well and to understand the many facets of his personality and to know how hard he worked to make it all seem so effortless. His sensitivity and vulnerability was always wrapped in the cloak of a warm smile & that meant that he touched everyone that spent time in his company. Today we say goodbye not only to a Son, a Brother, a Husband, a Father, and an Uncle but to a man who could make friends in a heartbeat. Steve was simply my best friend and please forgive me but I cannot think of Steve without it bringing me a smile to my face and that was Steve’s true gift and a legacy that I will always treasure. Steve told me many times, & for the last time only a short while ago that the time we spent together particularly in South Africa were amongst some of his happiest, funniest and greatest memories and those that he would not trade if they were to be his last. I have thought long and hard about trying to convey today what made those times such a special period in his life and with your indulgence have chosen only a 24 hour period to try and depict why in 48 years Steve was able to make a day so memorable that it lasts a lifetime. Some of you may have heard this story in part or whole before but it is worth re-telling because it epitomises the indomitable spirit of Steve’s ability to have fun. About 20yrs ago, Steve and I arranged a business trip to Cape Town neither of us had ever been and whenever the pressures of business got too much or simply because we felt like getting away we called for a ‘ road-trip’ or in this case a flight. The day began at Jan Smuts International in Johannesburg, it was midweek and both the airport and flight was relatively quiet. To liven things up we got 2 x 2 litre bottles of coke at the airport and laced them with a litre of Brandy and smuggled them into the small holding area for the shuttle flight to Cape Town where we learned of a delay because the small bus that transfers you across the tarmac to the plane had broken down. We had some small paper cups and decided to throw a small party with the stranded passengers and before long every man, women and probably child had enjoyed a drink and we got chatting to them all. It was probably the only recorded flight in history at that time where most people had had quite a bit before even boarding. There was a small party of rugby fans heading south and they helped the party go with a swing. Once on board we ordered several drinks and the party atmosphere continued. It was the dawn of the now ubiquitous marketing questionnaire about service & leaflets was handed all the passengers. It is important to remember Simon Nye had not written Men Behaving Badly at this time but Steve and I had one of our ‘little chats’ – & decided it was a dull piece of work and re-wrote all the questions. At this point the Rugby fans that sat behind us joined in the re-write. We put down the more searching & serious questions about the length of the Air Hostess’s skirts, appropriate heels, stockings, cut of the blouse, larger bottles of spirits, I am sure you get the idea and we proceeded up and down the plane to elicit the various responses. Steve did request an audience with the pilot but was blanked on that. Some time later having been escorted back to our seats by a very forceful but pleasant Chief Steward called Anton we settled back into our seats for more drinks & Anton explained that although it was against civil aviation rules to forcibly parachute us into Bloemfontein midway between Johannesburg and Cape Town it was under serious consideration by the crew. Before long Steve was bored again until he spotted a very serious & studious young man in front of us that not been drinking and had created the most unbelievable study of a crocodile in pencil drawing on the front of a file he was working on. Steve chatted away to him and we learned that he was an Anthropology student, I think from the Stellenbosch area of the Cape. Steve asked if he could study the drawing more carefully which the student reluctantly and foolishly passed back and then Steve proceeded to draw a pair of Nike trainers on each of the crocodiles’ feet – I hasten to add in pencil as there was never any malicious intent. Mercifully the flight is only about 90 minutes to Cape Town and we soon touched down and were through the checks at DF Malan airport. In those days the airport was very small and porters put your baggage manually on to small carousels. Right next to the luggage carousel was the Avis rent a car desk and Steve had booked a hire- car for a few days. We had been drinking for quite a while and Steve asked if I would complete the formalities. Those of you who knew Steve well will know he was an inveterate fidget prone to spontaneous little dances and general movement. Just at the point when Steve had to sign for the car and produce his license Steve toppled back on to the carousel and was going around on the luggage carousel with his legs in the air laughing as I turned to pass him the pen. We paid the administration charge to change the car to my name and enquired about the road to Fish Hoek a small & picturesque town that we had heard about and fancied visiting. “Just follow the mountain road and you can’t miss it,” said the rather stern-faced Avis lady. I shared one thing in common with Steve in that we are both the sons of fathers that spent time in the Navy and you would hope that after having grown up with stories of the murderous heat of Malta by night and the Middle East where you could fry eggs on deck and the frozen wastes of the Canadian ports we just might between us have some sense of North, South, East and West. 25 Minutes later under the expert guidance of my navigator Steve “Marco Polo” Betts we ended up in the Cape Flats. For those of you not in the know the Cape Flats is the notorious home of the township ghetto of Kayaleacha where vigilante gangs of youths at that time manned the crossroads and it was possible to be murdered for the change in your pockets. Fortunately the Gods smiled upon us and we ran into a police roadblock. 2 white faces in Kayaleacha are not really the best disguises. A rather large Afrikaans policeman enquired about our welfare and Steve explained he was having some compass trouble finding the road to Fish Hoek. The incredulous policeman asked us both to get out of the car and I will never forget his words as he pointed South. ‘ Guys you see that big rock over there, go towards it and keep the sea on your left and the rock on your right.’ At this point bearing in mind we had both been drinking I had visions of us spending 5 years on Robben Island with Mandela and staring at the “big rock” for a long time. Undaunted Steve gave him his biggest smile put his arm around him and repeated (and at this point you have to picture Steve’s mannerisms and his South London accent) And said ‘Sea left, Mountain right’-gotcha! And gave him the thumbs up. The rock is of course ‘Table Mountain’ & for a thousand years men have criss-crossed the Ocean in leaky wooden sailing ships guided in and out of the Cape Harbour and around the Cape of Good Hope by a sandstone mountain that rises 3653 feet from the sea bed and is so vast that it takes a man 6 days to hike across it and to put this in perspective every 24ft of mountain rock is visible at a distance of 6 miles……….. And we had missed it! Once back on the right road we soon arrived at Fish Hoek and Steve said he would get us both checked in and ‘line them up’ on the bar whilst I parked the car. I arrived in the lobby of a quaint old hotel and Steve was chatting away to the receptionist when she commented that Fish Hoek was dry. Bemused we looked out of the windows and agreed it was dry and quite warm too. The lady in question was in fact trying to explain that nowhere in Fish Hoek do they serve alcohol and the town is completely dry and they do not have a bar. Fish Hoek has the largest population of recovering alcoholics in the Southern Hemisphere and we had chosen it to stay in. Steve proceeded to scrub our names from the register and said ‘Get the car Kev we are not stopping’. About an hour later we found a nice hotel in central Cape Town, booked a room to share and after a quick change hit the town. We had been drinking quite a bit on the day and were fairly tired and at some point in one particularly packed Karaoke bar, Steve and I got separated and could not find each other. After a search I headed back to the Hotel to ask, by then, the night porter, if Steve had returned but our key was still on the pegboard so I was quite worried. We waited a while and then called the Police and I spent an hour or so trawling the bars with a great cop but we could not find Steve anywhere. Back at the Hotel I felt sure he would turn up at some point and had just started to fall asleep when there was an almighty commotion outside in the Hallway. I popped my head out and there in the passageway was Steve in just his underwear, clothes under his arm trying to explain to a young couple that had just returned to their room, he had simply got the wrong room and fallen asleep in their bed. It probably did not help matters (at least based on the looks of shock on their faces) that I too was in my underwear & stating that in fact he was with me and it was all a misunderstanding. Steve had returned to the hotel just before the night porter had come on duty and could not remember the room number but had a vague idea and saw the key of the neighbouring room and thought, “ that’s the one”. And that ladies and gentleman is what it was like to spend a day in Steve’s company. That trip was for 3 days and each day was packed full of events like that and it is why I will never forget our friend Steve. Of course all of this is tinged with sadness and Steve meant different things to each and every one of us and I want to close with a poem about how I feel Steve would want us to think of him today and particularly those closest to him. Steve was a brave and private man through his illness and he asked me to speak today and it has been an honour. The poem is called ‘I Am Always With You’ reads as follows: When I am gone, then release me, & let me go For I have so many things to see and do You must not tie yourself with too many tears But be thankful that we had so many good years I gave you all my love and you can only guess How much you have given me in happiness I thank you all now for the love that you have shown But now it is time that I travelled on alone So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must Then let your love be comforted by my trust It is only for a while that we must part So treasure all the memories within your heart I won’t be far away for life goes on But if you need me call and I will come Though you can’t see me or touch I will be near And if you listen with your heart, you’ll hear All my love around you soft and clear & When it is time for you to come this way frightened & alone I will greet you with a smile and a ‘hello mate –welcome home’ Thank you all and on behalf of everyone here today -God bless you Steve